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VanderConquest Progress Report On June 1st, 1984, Jeff VanderMeer set out on a Quixotic quest to enter the Guiness Book of World Records as the only non-bestselling author to be published in every soccer-playing country in the world. Although VanderMeer admits that many countries remain to be conquered and some countries, regrettably, have ceased to exist since 1984, progress has been made…
[red = conquered | yellow = targeted] Additional Targeted Countries The Antipodes Narnia Al Sharpton Flatland Ambergris Nobel Watch 2001 Work continues on making sure Jeff VanderMeer is considered for the next Nobel Prize for Literature, despite some setbacks. Some progress has been made. For example, it turned out that our Swedish sources were less than genuine concerning their influence on the Nobel Committee. And we were able to ascertain that the man in Norway who appeared to be related to a woman who has a brother who thinks his neighbor might know someone on the Committee...actually didn't. Our fierce, unrelenting letter writing campaign also continues, although at present we have no valid addresses to send these fiercely unrelenting letters to. The Jeff VanderMeer Nobel Exploratory Commission, formed in June 2000, has met twice in the last seven months and made good progress toward finalizing a scope, objectives, and success criteria. We expect that the commission will finish off these initial administrative steps sometime in 2003. However, I must report a lack of success - not failure so much - in contacting current Nobel Prize Winners. Perhaps the most publicized of these efforts concerned my attempt to contact Toni Morrison during her appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show in November 2000. I had prepared extensively beforehand - even going so far as to make a poster that read "Toni: A Kind Word for Jeff VanderMeer?". I also had a bullhorn and some other equipment, most of which I never had an opportunity to use. I waited until Morrison had been talking for five minutes and then rose in all my unrelenting glory, shouting "Toni - please read Jeff VanderMeer's work! He's Nobel level, I tell you! No one's ever heard of him, but he should win the Nobel! Toni - a kind word please. To the committee! The Nobel Committee! Everyone should read him! A kind word, Toni!" Unfortunately, I was arrested and my poster torn up. It took me three days to get out of jail. This was quite distressing... Anyone who has information on Morrison's current whereabouts should email me
at vejeekerm@rosencratzcorp.com. As always, I will continue to promote the
cause of Jeff VanderMeer's fiction. I will post another update late in 2001,
unless there are unexpected developments. Nobel Watch - Spring/Summer 2000 Update Despite a fierce, unrelenting letter writing campaign centered on the Nobel Nomination Committee in Sweden - and, just to be safe, dignitaries in adjoining countries - I must admit to a puzzling lack of response. I'm currently investigating whether the addresses we obtained from our Swedish sources might be out-of-date. (Certainly, it does now appear that the email addresses we obtained - judges@nobelprize.com and nominateindividualsforthenobel@sweden.com - are actually bogus.) However, as soon as we sort out the communication problems, I am confident that we will begin to receive assurances from the judges that Jeff is a viable candidate. I am also pleased to report that we are working through a man in Norway who is related to a woman who has a brother who thinks his neighbor might know someone on the Nobel Committee. With all of these ongoing activities and our recent dissemination of the press release announcing the formation of the Jeff VanderMeer Nobel Exploratory Commission, we can be sure that the Nobel Committee will soon respond to us. Anyone who has any contact information on Novel Committee members should email me at vejeekerm@rosencratzcorp.com.
I will post additional updates as necessary in the latter half of 2000.
[map courtesy of National Geographic]
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